Solo All Inclusive on the Playa Dorado, 2009

Where tourists are concerned, the Dominican Republic is megaresort country. I’m staying on Playa Dorada, in San Felipe de Puerto Plata (thankfully usually known just as Puerto Plata), on the north coast. The lengthy seafront, miles of golden beaches, hence the name of course, is backed almost the whole length with resorts and several 18-hole golf courses. The whole is backed with lush tropical rainforest.

My hotel is in an enclave, with a dozen others. (There are about 100,000 hotel beds in the city altogether.) It’s a very relaxing break, if you don’t want to do anything except lie on a very beautiful (but busy) beach and eat mediocre ‘international’ food. It's another of my singles holidays, so I don't recall every exact detail. There are the standard boat trips, supplying some average snorkelling, complete with the usual rum punch – and some tin pan drumming.

Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic

Puerto Plata city is worth the short trip. It’s mainly a trading port, as the name implies, but it has an old, colonial-era centre. This is dominated by the small sixteenth-century Fortaleza San Felipe, on the headland. In the colonial zone, to the east of the fort, there's a central square, the Parque Independencia (with bandstand), a cathedral (also San Felipe) and 60 blocks of historic buildings, mostly Victorian, colourful gingerbread houses and some unprepossessing churches. The Spanish fortress served as a prison and now houses historical and military artefacts. There's also the Amber Museum, some intricately designed jewellery and some preserved prehistoric insects. Sadly, the city is overshadowed by a huge cruise terminal with giant cruise liners docked there. Carnival Cruises has its own dedicated cove.

The city's Malecón, a typical Spanish coastal promenade, is perfect for people watching walks and views across the Atlantic Ocean. (Go in the opposite direction to the cruise terminal.) And the only aerial tramway in the Caribbean, takes us up to the Pico Isabel de Torres, a 793 metre high mountain, for great panoramas across the city.

Dominican Republic - Facts and Factoids

• The Dominican Republic is unusual for a Caribbean nation, in that it shares the island of Hispaniola with Haiti to the west. It occupies the eastern five eighths of the island. (Only the island of St Martin is also divided into two.) Haiti might be smaller, but it is home to more people - the largest population in the Caribbean. Santa Domingo is second, with over 11 million.
• The terrain of the Dominican Republic comprises rainforest, savannah and highlands, including Pico Duarte, the Caribbean’s tallest mountain and the Caribbean's largest lake and lowest point, Lake Enriquillo. But it's probably better known for its beaches and resorts. 
• The country is often nicknamed 'Quisqueya'. Derived from the Ciguayo language, this means 'Mother of the Lands'. It is used in songs as another name for the country. The English name for the country is frequently shortened to 'The D.R.', especially in the USA. But it's not an acronym used by the locals.
• The Dominican Republic is the only country in the world to have an image of the Holy Bible on its national flag.
• Merengue is a type of music and dance originating in the Dominican Republic
• The Dominican Republic is the most visited destination in the Caribbean. It's mega resort land. This is what sustains the western hemisphere's fastest growing economy, (along with Pueblo Viejo, the world's third largest gold mine). The year-round golf courses are, apparently, major attractions.
• However, this is not the safest of countries to visit. Poverty is decreasing rapidly, but is still running at just below 20%. This still leads to relatively high levels of petty crime and some violence. The United States State Department in 2024 issued a Level 2 Advisory as a travel advisory to visitors to the Dominican Republic, for tourists to 'exercise increased caution.' This was a renewal of a statement issued in 2023, noting that the DR 'is generally safe to those sticking to popular resort areas like Punta Cana and La Romana, but 'remains a risk due to instances of violent crime, including armed robbery, homicide and sexual assault in the country overall.' 'Avoid visiting dark, secluded places alone, and avoid beaches at night. Be sure to choose taxis carefully,' advised the Miami Herald. in 2023.

A Package Holiday in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

This is the first package holiday I’ve been on for a very long time. Possibly since the last time I went to the Dominican Republic. This time, I'm going to the other end of the country. The town of Punta Cana, on the eastern tip of the Dominican Republic,' is renowned for its stunning beaches, luxurious resorts, and crystal-clear waters', according to Wikipedia. Punta Cana is a what's known in Spanish as a balneario, a purpose built resort town. Or a whole string of balnearios. They line the white sand beaches and turquoise seas, mostly separate, enclosed units. European entrepreneurs, particularly Spanish hotel chains, own all but two of the over 50 megaresorts.

The township, or district, has a population of just 138,919 inhabitants. But it's flooded with tourists, for much of the year. Punta Cana boasts that it is now the second-most popular tourist destination in Latin America, with more visitors than any other city in the Caribbean region. But the publicity refuses to tell me where the most popular place is. (Possibly Buenos Aires?) The Punta Cana International Airport processes more receiving more passengers than the Las Américas International Airport, servicing Santo Domingo, the country's capital.

Bavaro, one of the major beaches, has developed a small village with malls and other services. There's a string of bars, restaurants and nightclubs. This is where the punters come for their nightlife. If they can find their way out of their secluded enclaves. Punta Cana is developing its own upscale village. The major town in the district is Veron, an impoverished urban development. This is the base-city for most of the hotel workers.

Flying to Punta Cana

So far, it’s gone pretty smoothly, on my journey to the Dominican Republic. I’ve got what I think is a pretty good deal on a week’s two centre stay, with private taxi transfers. Premium cabin, fast track security and lounge access. I’d forgotten how relaxing these things are. The cabin decoration is a little odd. Utilitarian. I thought it was a piece of canvas cloth hanging over the bulkhead until closer inspection revealed a palm leaf design.

But no-one on board the plane today looks very happy to be going on holiday. They all seem super anxious, with grim, serious faces. Is this just today’s world? A woman, with a toddler, who insists on speaking to her daughter in a stage voice, the whole time, is sitting just behind me. Oh good.

Premium  on Tui is like business used to be, before they went flat bed. The seats are comfy and I’ve got enough space here, at the front, to stretch my legs right out. The food and alcohol are plentiful. I’m surprised some of my fellow passengers are still conscious.

Punta Cana Airport

Punta Cana Airport is one of those places you swear you are never going to go back to. It's modern, with weirdly incongruous, thatched roofs to the terminal buildings. And it's crowded. Signs boast that this is has been voted the best airport in the Caribbean, for the eighth year running. I'm aware that the bar isn't set very high. But... the queue at passport control is horrendous. And when you do get to the front you have to choose which of four desks, to join another queue in front of, as they snake slowly forwards.

Then, you have to  find the luggage belt – for some reason, this Tui Gatwick flight isn’t listed on the board and a guy is standing shouting out, 'Tui, Gatwick, seis.' Six in Spanish. But it isn’t, it's number seven.

After that, there’s another queue to leave. Everyone is putting their luggage through scanners. The customs officers don’t seem to care if anyone does or not and certainly aren’t checking. So I wander straight out.

Surly reps at the airport also don’t seem to care and direct me to my minibus-cum-taxi with total disinterest. But at least I have a private taxi. I have no idea how that happened.

All Inclusive at Punta Cana

The staff at my hotel are marginally more interested, as I check in. But only as the bell boys expect tips, even though it’s all inclusive. I’m handed a bewildering map, scattered with numbers. The receptionist puts rings round a lot of them, though I’m not sure why. There's a huge lobby area, with shops and various desk sections for selling assorted goods and tours. It even encompasses a dinky church. And, there are several ‘specialist restaurants’,  but you have to install the hotel app to book on them. And I've had a lime green string attached to my wrist. It has jangly ends, which get in the way when I try and do anything with my hand. But it lets me into my room and tells the staff that I'm allowed all the 'free stuff'.

Then, I’m off on the cart-cum-train, with my luggage. As I feared, it’s a huge property. The Tropical Deluxe (don’t forget that bit)  Princess occupies a site adjacent to the Caribe (also) Deluxe Princess. I’m also not sure why they don’t just have one giant hotel. They share all the facilities. Three pools. There’s a giant giraffe in the middle of one, outside my window. It tips water out of buckets, down chutes, causing children to shriek loudly. I was hoping to avoid school age children, in the middle of January.

I’m on the third floor. No lift. And a view over aforesaid  giraffe. The corridors are drearily white and institutional, devoid of ornament. (Oddly, the outside is painted in bright primary colours.) I have a two room apartment with a double bed in one side and two bunk beds in the other. Two bathrooms. Two TVs blaring. One comfy chair which has been moved outside, to the diminutive balcony. And two other chairs and a table. Also on the balcony.

What’s more it's freezing. I finally manage to disable the two sets of air-conditioning. But I’m still scrounging around for blankets to cover the bed. And now I’m sneezing badly too.

Bavaro Beach

The hotel is on Bavaro Beach, a two minute walk from my room. It’s lovely, exceptionally soft and white, scattered with what looks like a million aged beach beds. Though it's yet another which has dared to challenge for the title of Best Beach in the World. Not a chance. Amazing sand,  gorgeous turquoise water,  but  the back drop is far from  impressive. A few plucked palm trees. Some denuded fenced areas.  And there’s more than a breeze blowing the whole time. A surfers' paradise maybe, but there’s a strong undertow, if you’re just swimming.

Even when I’m down at the beach, at half past seven,  the front row of sun loungers is all taken. Not a person in sight, but the beds are draped in towels, T-shirts, toys and sundry other paraphernalia, all wafting precariously in the wind, which is still blowing as strongly as ever ( I keep meaning to buy some of those towel pegs).  And I haven’t seen  any Germans around.

But not being Front Row Seaside (obstructed view seats) is helpful, in one sense. We’re protected from the touts selling everything  from hats, bags, snorkelling trips and photos with animals (parrots and iguanas to choose from). Not so protected from the very loud instructions appended to a beach salsa class. The entertainment round the largest pool is non-stop. The banging  music, blaring around here and the Beach House, is the second-best  reason to keep away from it. There’s a theatre with entertainment too. Last night it was a Michael Jackson show. Tonight, it’s a Talent Show.

This is not a resort for the thong wearing lovelies, with beach perfect bodies. There are a few string bikinis in evidence, but on larger ladies. This is a mainly American clientele. They are happy, male and female, to show off their bellies.

For my part, I’m just going to lie on my sunbed, under my tired palapa, and vegetate.  I might have no option. I’m not sure I can get out of it again, there’s such a huge dip in the canvas. Until the Photograph with Animals guys have a ruckus with the folk on the second row, next to me. They didn’t ask the price before they agreed to posing with all the parrots. Three of them, so 60 USD is requested at 20 USD per person. Whilst they are arguing, one of the parrots escapes, wandering along the beach,  under all the sunbeds, in search of titbits.

All Inclusive Eating and Drinking at Punta Cana

There are bars everywhere. Some of them apparently chic and enticing. Alcohol and fizzy pop is plentiful. The barmen are mixing cocktails all day, though the sampled margarita is weirdly synthetic. 

The restaurants are all rather nicely tricked out. They look expensive. Even the rather ignominiously named Food Hall, which is the main buffet restaurant. However, the Food Hall is a triumph of artistry over substance. Sadly, most of the colourful offerings don’t taste very nice. Undercooked or simply poor ingredients. Breakfast is much more acceptable, though you have to queue at the various stations, even at 7.30 in the morning.  There are people milling everywhere. I weave through them, trying to protect my plate. And there’s still some beyond indifferent service. I ask one woman who’s laying tables how I go about getting a cup of tea. 'Wait', she commands and carries on laying out the napkins. She never comes back.

There's also an ice cream parlour, a good 15 minutes away at the other end of the resort from the beach and it doesn’t open till four. That seems like poor planning to me, though it probably makes sense economically .

Then, there are the specialist a la carte restaurants. You have to book for those. You can only make the reservations on the hotel app, which has to be downloaded, and of course, it refuses to acknowledge my credentials.  The surly guy on so called customer services can’t make it work either. And he says the restaurants are all full tonight and he can’t do anything till nine in the evening tomorrow. The same gang who reserved all the sun beds are obviously at work again.

So, I blag my way into the Asian restaurant, without a reservation. Really tasty sushi but a diminutive portion. Plenty of teppanyaki rice, with meat and seafood, mainly flavoured with teriyaki sauce and created with dramatic effects: flames and much cutlery waving, by men in fancy hats. And fried ice cream. Batter on ice cream, which is edible, but not repeatable.

My Rep, Talking and Tipping

Next, I have to see the Tui representative, as I want to try an arrange my between hotel transfer, so I can visit Santo Domingo, the capital of the Dominican Republic, at the same time, and not waste a day faffing about between hotels. This might be a goal too far, but we will see. I’ve arrived back at reception, after walking the ten minutes through the grounds. I thought the little trains were to carry guests back and forth across the grounds, but it seems this happens only if you are lucky and the drivers deign to take you. They refuse if they have staff or luggage to transport. And they are electric, so they sneak up silently behind you, arrogantly assuming right of way. I have to hope I’m not too close to the mangrove swamps, when I make my startled leaps out of their path. Of course, they never stop to ask if you want a ride.

Anyway, I'm here at 8.30 a.m., as instructed by the girl on reception last night. There are a row of desks behind which sit a line of salespeople, fake smiles pinned on, overly keen to dispose of excursions. 'The Tui rep isn't usually here till nine,' they drawl laconically. I wait till nine and it's still no show. So I message Tui on their app, which I've also had to download. 'He’s coming tomorrow,' they reply. This is news to the other half dozen folk also waiting.

So, I'm repeating the performance the next day, but Wilson does at least, make an appearance. It takes an hour and 10 USD to sort my trip to Santa Domingo (with bag and return to la Romana still to be negotiated) and secure two dinner reservations. My big tip to the Tui rep ( he was so pleased he waved it in front of all the other tour desks people)  has secured me bookings for Mexican tonight and Brazilian tomorrow.

Tipping is a thorny issue. The Princess website says gratuities  are included and tips should only be paid on the occasion of extraordinarily good service. American websites exhort everyone to tip generously in the Dominican Republic, even though it’s all inclusive. 'They work so hard and their wages are so poor!' My room cleaner obviously expects a tip. She’s left a stand up card saying 'Gracias'. The bell boys expect a tip. They explain every gadget on your room until you hand some money over,  and so do the cab drivers. Sadly, the bottom line is the amount of small change I have. And I’ve run out.

Back to the Food

And back to the food. I’ve discovered (after reading signs properly) that there’s a strict apparel wearing code in the restaurants. No swim wear or shorts.  Flip flops are strictly banned.  That’s more or less all I’ve brought with me, except for a pair of trainers. Fortunately, no one is enforcing either rule. Or any of the others.

Lunch is also problematic.  It’s either the Food Hall and mayhem, or the Beach House. The latter offers a buffet consisting almost entirely of fried food: chicken, burgers, hot dogs and tacos. There are a couple of bowls of watery unappetising salad, to give the illusion that there are healthy offerings. Some bananas, melon and fruit kebabs. Some of  those worryingly garish cakes and jellies. They look almost radioactive. You can carry your plate onto the beach, if you don’t mind getting sand blown all over your delicacies.

The Mexican and Brazilian restaurants are both generally positive experiences. The Mexican restaurant is nicely tricked out with assorted fabric cacti and  service here is really friendly and smiley. The food, as with everywhere else on the site,  is variable. A bland pureed pozole soup. OK ribs with undercooked potatoes and tinned vegetables. The tiniest slice of cooked  apple you ever saw, with a dab of custard, masquerading as tarte tatin. And slightly less synthetic margaritas in dinky margarita glasses, adorned with wedges of lime.

All Inclusive Punta Cana in Summary

To be fair, the resort is beautifully laid out and the grounds are delightful. Mangrove filled lakes and streams with assorted colourful waterfowl: flamingos, ducks, egrets and grebes. And turtles clambering over each other, in the hope that they will be fed. It’s just enormous and not particularly friendly.

A Brief History of the Dominican Republic

• The colony of Santo Domingo, later the Dominican Republic became the site of the first permanent European settlement in the Americas, after it was 'discovered' by Christopher Columbus, on his third stop of his first voyage, in 1492. The Columbus expedition first landed in the New World, on the island he named San Salvador, in the Bahamas. He spent little time here, because he was convinced by travelling farther, he would reach Japan and the Indies.
• Next, Columbus landed on Cuba. However, he was convinced he had landed in Cipango (Japan). So, he then steered south east, looking for China and missed the North American mainland.
• The island of Hispaniola was originally inhabited by the Taíno people, who called the island Haiti, meaning 'land of high mountains', but Columbus re-named the island, La Isla Española in Spanish - 'the Spanish island'. This eventually became conflated into Hispaniola. His first settlement here was at the western end, which later became Haiti. Settlers were also left in what is now the Dominican Republic. None survived. His brother, Bartholomew, later made the first permanent settlement in the DR. This was Santo Domingo, the capital of the country, and the oldest city in the New World.
• The use of force, imported disease and slavery virtually wiped out the Taino peoples and African slaves were imported to work the cane fields.
• In 1697, finally agreeing to a peace treaty with their long running enemy, Spain ceded the western third of the island to the French (this became the independent state of Haiti in 1804.)
• The Dominican people eventually declared independence in November 1821, but their independence has been turbulent. Over the last 200 years. Haiti has tried to annexe the country several times, there have been numerous civil wars, Spain has regained control for a short while and the country has been twice occupied by the USA.
• The most notorious of a series of dictators was Rafael Leónidas Trujillo Molina  nicknamed El Jefe ( the boss). He was a Dominican military officer, who ruled the Dominican Republic from August 1930 until his assassination in May 1961. Part of this time he was president, but after that he acted as an unelected military strongman, under figurehead presidents. It was a brutal regime, responsible for possibly 50,000 murders.
• Despite the instability, the country now has the largest economy in the Caribbean - this is growing at the fastest rate in the western hemisphere.

Day Tripping in the Dominican Republic

How many times have I declared never again and then found myself forgetting the pain and doing it again? Organised day trips on buses is a clear example. So here I am, sitting in a freezing mini bus, with the air con on full blast -‘frio’ -while my driver stops outside various hotels and searches fruitlessly for  people, who match the names on his list. He’s yet again  phoning his employers for instructions.

I had to get up at 5.30 for this. It’s now 7.15. Heaven knows where we’re heading. My driver is only Spanish speaking - very rapidly. To compound matters I’m transferring hotels today and I’ve booked my tour to Santa Domingo to coincide.  I have my bag and I have to persuade the guide and driver to drop me  off.  The upside is, I’m getting a tour of the grounds of the Punta Cana hotels of the Dominican Republic, as the sun rises.

We finally arrive at a giant car  park, just by the airport highway. It’s 7.45 a.m. and no one else is in sight.. 'Maybe 15 minutes', says the driver. Finally, a coach turns up. 'Don’t worry', says Roberto, my new  guide. We’re going past your new hotel on the way back. Huzzah! HUZZAH! The tour finally commences at 8.10.

The highway (it puts British roads to shame) passes small holdings with banana plant fences. Through rainforest  and sugarcane fields. Christopher Columbus introduced the cane on his second trip ( it originally came from Asia) and the island's wealth developed on the back of that. Most of the cane is still harvested by machete, which is less destructive than machinery. Whilst some cane is grown (the main exports are sugar, molasses, rum coffee and bananas), tourism is the mainstay of the economy. The Dominican Republic welcomes almost 11 million tourists per year.  That's about the same as the country's population.

Past the Chavon River, a pretty jungle covered gorge, where scenes in films like Apocalypse Now, Rambo, Jurassic Park, Pirates of the Caribbean and Anaconda were located. They've even constructed a 'sixteenth century Mediterranean village' here. And, just a little further on, the ultra-luxurious Casa de Campo Hotel, with million-pound villas, for the likes of Jennifer Lopez and countless other American entertainers, fashion designers and presidents.

Santo Domingo, the Capital of the Dominican Republic

Santo Domingo, the capital of the Dominican Republic, is a must visit city. Founded in 1496, by Bartholomew Columbus, it's the oldest continuously inhabited European settlement in the Americas. It was initially built to the east of the River Ozama, but it was  moved, to the west of the river mouth, by governor, Nicolas de Ovando, because the first iteration was quickly devastated by hurricanes. Rebuilt and fortified (laid out on a grid pattern which became the model for almost all town planners in the New World), the city prospered as the capital of Spain’s New World Empire and the repository of all its riches. Until it was sacked, by English explorer/pirate, Sir Frances Drake, in 1586. He stole their treasure and held the city to ransom, burning a section every day, until they paid up, though his original outrageous demand for a million ducats was negotiated down, to a measly 25,000.

Exploring Santo Domingo

Today, this is a city of 4 million  people. Over a third of the country’s population. First stop is the enormous and weirdly grotesque  Columbus Lighthouse (Faro de Colón). It cost  40 million dollars to build, in 1992, when it opened amidst great fanfare and visits by Popes. Today, it has 50 empty chambers, as there is no use made of the exhibition rooms. And it consumes huge amounts of energy, causing blackouts in the locality. Opposite, is a statue of Queen  Isabela  clutching her jewellery box.  It was Ferdinand and Isabela who backed Columbus, using the Crown Jewels to finance the voyage, in the hope of revitalising the country’s fortunes.

Along the Malecón ( the city's seas side promenade), with its statues, forts and  obelisks. And into the city proper. The traffic here is terrible. Moto taxis aplenty weave in and out. It is the law that you wear a helmet and only carry one passenger. It’s openly flouted by most of the riders.

We take Simon Bolivar Avenue round Independence Park. This piece of greenery, where the locals wander at weekends, has several monuments, but is best known for the impressive mausoleum called the Altar de la Patria. This is the (current), resting place of the founding fathers of the Dominican Republic, the liberators from Haiti: Juan Pablo Duarte, Francisco del Rosario Sánchez, and Ramón Matías Mella. At the east end of the park are the remains of Fort San Genaro built in 1543, to protect the city from pirates, corsairs, and invading armies. (It didn't deter Drake.) The site was also an entrance to the original walled city. It is now known as La Puerta del Conde.

West, to the Washington Capitol mimicking Presidential Palace built in 1944  by the dictator Trujillo. Ironically, the building stands on the grounds of the former Presidential Mansion which was, built during the United States occupation (1916–1924). The interior of the palace was filmed for the New Year's scene in The Godfather Part II. We poke our cameras through the gates to get clear shots, to the consternation of the guards.

 Roberto commentates non-stop, switching between  three languages. He says that the colours of the houses here are important to ensure they protect against evil. They are repainted every year.

The Calle las Damas in the Zona Colonial, Santo Domingo

Then, back to the walled Old Town, entering from the north, through a gate. Naturally, the cobbled Zona Colonial is a UNESCO World Heritage Site spilling over with sixteenth century delights. The streets are bestrewn with cannons and cannonballs. Past the Columbus Palace (Alcázar de Colón), the home of Diego Columbus, Christopher Columbus' son, and his wife María de Toledo, niece of King Ferdinand of Spain. She was supposedly the first European woman to visit the Americas.  Columbus himself never lived in the palace and we don't get to see it either. The famously arched façade is swathed in coverings. It's being renovated and it's closed.

Across the wide main square, the Plaza de la Hispanidad, lined with cafes and home to many cultural events. It links nicely with the most important street, Calle las Damas, facing onto the River Ozama. This is the oldest street in the Americas. María de Toledo would lead her ladies down here, alongside the water. Hence the name.

The National Museum of the Royal Houses, on the far side of the square, is the original Spanish administrative building and tells the story of the Spanish discovery and conquest. It’s built of limestone, distinctively formed from coral, as are most of the key buildings round here.

The neoclassical National Mausoleum, the Panteon de la Patria, was originally a Jesuit church, one of the last buildings built by the Spanish, on Dominican soil. After the Jesuits were expelled from the country (and all Spanish territories) in 1767, the building became, at different times, a tobacco warehouse, a theatre and government offices. Trujillo splashed the cash, in 1958, and he had it restored as a mausoleum, to house the remains of national, civil and military heroes.

There's a majestic chandelier, which hangs in the centre, and just below that, a flame which burns 24 hours a day. It is bedecked with  national flags alongside the rows of tombs. They've left 36 empty spaces. There is also another empty area, dedicated to the Unknown Soldier. There is a permanent guard, who stand without twitching, until they make their rounds.

The best place in the mausoleum, as far as I am concerned, is the spot in front of the only fan. It's grown increasingly clammy, as the day has progressed.

Past a relatively plain building known as the House of Hernan Cortes, but now the French Embassy. This Gothic style building was enterprisingly built as part of the 1502 reconstruction, by Ovando, to rent to visitors (one of 15) . Ovando leased these houses to conquistadors who all organized and launched their conquests from their home base in Santo Domingo.. Cortés planned his expedition and ultimate conquest of Mexico in this house. But it was also home to Francisco Pizarro, the conqueror of Peru, Diego Velasquez and Alonso de Ojedaand.

More of the Zona Colonial, Santo Domingo

Then, what is billed as a  typically spicy Dominican lunch, which isn’t spicy at all. Just  another unremarkable mixed buffet. And two minutes of show  dancing to horribly  loud music. There are some very weird folk at my lunchtime table. Two ladies from Suffolk. I know that as I asked them where they came from. That was the end of the conversation. An elderly lady – I compliment her dress. She smiles and looks away. A quartet from Durham who are offended, as I say they have Geordie accents. One of them takes off his T-shirt and replaces it with another shirt at the dining table. And a woman from Germany, who only drinks warm liquids and only has a tiny amount of only white food on her plate. She chews it exceptionally slowly.

Next, a  train ride through the quaint streets of the  Zona Colonial, with a commentary drowned out by the chatter of disinterested passengers.  There are plenty of churches and First in the New World buildings.

We are definitely getting the full tourist experience today. Now, a 4D presentation, telling the story of Drake and the Battle of Santa Domingo. I’m somewhat surprised, as Drake out manoeuvred the Spanish decidedly, though he didn’t get nearly as much ransom to hand the city back, as he had demanded. The 3D glasses are fun, the spray 'from the waves' refreshing and the rocking of the chair, during the battle scenes, is not great for my back. I was warned. I didn’t listen properly .

The formal tour winds up at the oldest cathedral in the Americas, beautiful in its simplicity. Unlike its formal name. The Primate Cathedral of America is officially known as the Holy Metropolitan Cathedral Basilica Church of Our Lady Saint Mary of the Incarnation or Annunciation. Construction began in 1512. Next door, is Columbus Square, with the associated statue.

It's followed by the obligatory visit to the (jewellery at exorbitant prices) shop, where the guide gets his commission, before we are let loose to wander. A quick zip down to see the riverside fortaleza before we depart. The Ozama Fortress is the same one which Drake captured. It’s also the place where Columbus was ignominiously imprisoned, before he was returned to Spain, in disgrace, for his brutal behaviour.

I would have liked to have stayed longer - it's an intriguing city. I wish now I had booked an overnight - but the Latin reputation for crime and street violence deterred me.

A Package Holiday in La Romana, Dominican Republic

Next up, La Romana. La Romana began as a small sugarcane town, in 1897. It's now one of the ten major cities in the Dominican Republic, with a province named after it. Its name derived from an ancient Roman scale used to weigh the sugarcane. Or from the word 'Bomana', a name given by Indians, to what is known today as the Romana River. Take your pick.

The Tabacalera de Garcia factory here is one of the largest cigar factories in the world, and has been owned by the biggest cigar marketing company in the world, Altadis, since 1999. Three apparently world-famous brands are produced in La Romana: Montecristo, H. Upmann, and Romeo y Julieta. But, as with much of the country, tourism, based on upscale resorts, is now the major source of income. There's a huge cruise terminal, in the city, alongside the container port, which deals mainly with sugar and molasses.

La Romana - Day 1

Thankfully, I find my new hotel, in the Dominican Republic, with little difficulty.  I’m accompanied by a Belgian lady called Lilia. She’s doddery of  movement and hard of hearing. But she  seems anxious to cling onto me, as we take the cart cum train, from the lobby of one hotel, to its sister (no cars allowed) and I have to eventually tell her loudly ‘See you later’.

The Bahia Luxury Principe (Google top rated it seems) is very different to my last accommodation. To begin with, I get an orientation tour and the guys on customer services actually seem keen to help. As do most of the staff. The room is huge and has a four poster bed, complete with draperies. There’s a Jacuzzi bath and chairs and a desk. But it smells musty and the décor is tired. It’s like Caribbean hotels used to look in the eighties, with wicker painted furniture. And, unforgiveable issue - the hot water  is virtually non-existent. It’s luke warm at best. What’s the use of a Jacuzzi bath with no hot water?  And there’s nowhere to plug in my phone. Aargh !

The megaresorts here are even more isolated than those in Punta Cana. It's a long way to anything else. I'm tucked away on a peninsula known as El Soco. The historic town of Higuey is an hour away. Santo Domingo, just over an hour. Otherwise, it's sugarcane and hotel grounds.

This place is adults only, but that doesn’t mean it’s quiet. The entertainments pool is right outside my balcony, with all kinds  of jolly games, aquarobics and shows  being organised. Non-stop theatre. I can still hear the commentary in the coconut grove behind the beach. There’s competition  from the lifeguard tower here, where the Baywatch garbed inhabitant is watching a video.

Thankfully, the bay is calm. The sand beige, but still silky soft. The beach towels are drab beige to match. The sea isn’t enticing, the water a little murky. A river empties here. Sadly, entering the ocean doesn't dispel my doubts. There’s squelchy sand, sharp stones and sudden drops, to lurch over. Seaweed wraps itself sinuously  round your ankles. And it’s impossible to retreat with dignity. The shelf near the water’s edge is too high. I have to sit down, swing my legs round and scramble up. On the way back, I notice there’s a blue flag flying, so I check the key on the noticeboard. Danger of jellyfish.  I don’t think I shall be trying the dingy water  again.  

I'm grading dinner at the buffet good overall with some tempting salads and plenty of fresh shellfish. Though there are still burgers, if you want them. And Lilia is lurking  by the chafing dishes  opposite my seat.  I look the other way.

La Romana - Day 2

Breakfast is definitely lacking in fruit to go with my yogurt, but there are a wide variety of fried options. Mainly eggs cooked in different ways. Only one omelette station. And  I’m accompanied by Lilia who has materialised behind me in the queue. Is this a coincidence ? 'See you later!' I trill as I leave, for the beach.

There are flies marauding in my coconut grove. I’m unsure if they’re the biting type. Time will tell. And there’s a gentle drizzle which eventually becomes a downpour. 

Perhaps I will try the quiet pool tomorrow.  There are cabañas there. But they were all staked out at eight this morning. And of course, I’m in the second row at the beach. The  sign here says it’s not allowed to reserve beds with towels – they will be removed. So that’s why so many folk are stretching tee shirts over the backs of the beds, instead. The lofty palms provide welcome shade and are augmented by palm thatched palapas.

Lunch is a delight. Delicious salads, a huge variety of them,  housed in germ deterring  cabinets, with sliding doors. Plenty of tables set out under cover,  but on the veranda. There are burgers again too of course. They’re in the open air.

And dinner tonight is at one of the a la cartes. Don Pablo Gourmet. I’m nicely punctual. The friendly email verification warns me that if I am more than five minutes late the reservation will be cancelled and I will be fined 20 USD. The restaurant opens ten minutes late. In the queue, we discuss demanding 20 USD compensation.

 It’s a good try for the Caribbean, but it doesn’t quite come off. The sauce on my prawn and scallop timbale is just a little weird. Yucca puree is too sticky and bland to complement turbot. IMHO the best tasting fish in existence. It has to be treated with reverence. The chocolate bombe would have been great if the honeycomb  sauce has been hot enough and plentiful enough to melt the chocolate.  Unfortunately, the bombe bombed...

La Romana - Day 3

Up at seven, and  I can confirm that there indeed biting insects by the beach. After anointing my wounds, I'm down to the back of the  coconut grove, to bag a mattress with a cabaña. These are less popular than the ones at the quiet pool. It's drizzling and more rain is forecast. I’m thinking a roof might be helpful.  There’s a stream of guests on their way back from the beach . They’ve already staked their claim.

The grove is a hive of industry this morning. Agile men are clambering up the slender trunks to bring down coconuts and any brown, shrivelled  or  remotely loose leaves. The man's harness is  just two coiled ropes, which he slides up and down the trunk, looping one end round his ankle and the other round his opposite thigh.  He edges the loops carefully up the trunk. They’re utilising  fresh leaves  to rethatch the palapas. Though those are from a rounder fan palm.   None of this is exactly safety conscious. The leaves and sundry other objects are hurtling down from the lofty heights. Debris and broken palapas are scattered over the ground. I should have settled for the quiet pool.

There’s rain on and off all morning. The cabaña roof doesn’t protect hugely well, as the rain sprays off the sides, onto my mattress,  but it keeps off the worst. The German couple next door are finding it a nuisance and the guy, enormous belly hanging over his budgie smugglers, is lumbering over their decking, tutting,  adjusting and draining off puddles on the canopy. It’s wobbling alarmingly.

It's Takara, the Asiatic restaurant tonight. More formal Japanese style décor. All the restaurants here operate  to the same system. A less than effusive and late welcome. Water. Then a cocktail. And maybe, after 20 minutes, the menu, which you have to scan from a QR code. Everything is done via the hotel app, which they are determined you will download. So that’s three for this trip. Princess. Bahia and Tui. I shall be happy to delete them all.  Especially, as Princess doesn’t even supply decent enough Wi-Fi to operate it and wants to charge you extra for premium access.

I suppose there’s logic to all the restaurants being formal sit down affairs, even the buffets. I’d rather just get a snack or have a small meal at times. I don’t want to waste sunshine exposure time sitting indoors.  But I suppose help yourself café bars are open to abuse.

Anyway, back to the Asiatic restaurant. The food when it finally arrives,  is good. The fried California rolls are divine. I shudder to think how many calories. And the waiters have brought me dragon rolls and tempura as well as I couldn’t decide. More calories.

I’m sitting next to Greg and Dee, from Pittsburgh, and Greg spends the whole meal firing questions at me, from his banquette, mainly about travel.  Time passes quickly.

La Romana - Day 4

I’m heading home today, leaving the hotel after an early lunch, so I’ve returned to the cabañas, to try and make the most of the sun, before I go. Naturally, it's not raining today.

There’s yellow tape warning  pelicula -  danger - wrapped all-round the cabaña the Germans were on yesterday. They’ve taken up position on the next bed along. They don’t look remotely shamefaced.

I'm glad I came, but I won't be rushing back to the Dominican Republic. The sun is deliciously revitalising, but these gargantuan hotels, anonymous and isolated, are not my thing. I take the train to the main reception, at the sister hotel. Lilia is waiting on the steps.